Sometimes I wonder - who do I despise more: my Narcissistic mother or my Enabler father?
It also triggered the question of whether my father is an enabler or is a narcissist waiting to happen all along. It is as if being together with my mother and spending more time with her after his retirement caused him to become more controlling and domineering than ever.
During my childhood, my father was close to being non-existent in my life. I spent most of my growing up years with my mother, who had never worked her entire life and was happy being a housewife. During my younger years, my father had an addiction problem with gambling, which caused him to uproot our entire family to another state when I was around 8 years old. He sort of cleaned up his act after that and worked really hard to support the family - often going out to his workplace early in the morning and returning only when it was my bedtime.
It was only after he had retired things took a turn for the worse. He became very interfering in my life - often demanding to know where I had gone and if I came home slightly late, I would have to tolerate him getting angry or getting the disapproving look just because I was back at 8pm. Hello, I was already 25 at that time???
My mother often got my father to do the dirty job for her. If she wants something, she would get my father to coerce/force me into giving in. During those rare times when I was able to get my father to be alone with me, I would often hint that my NM was getting more and more unbearable to live with. He would often shrug his shoulders and made up some excuses to portray my mother in a positive light.
I often wonder - if my father had been more assertive and had a stronger personality, would he have stood up for me and put a stop to my mother's narcissistic tendencies? Instead, he gave in to her all the time and sometimes I feel that I couldn't put 100% blame on him for doing that because after all, he is the one who had to live with my mother all the time now, especially after I moved out 2 years ago.
I want to feel sad towards him for being so manipulated by my mother yet at times I feel rage and anger because as his daughter, don't I deserve his protection too?
It also triggered the question of whether my father is an enabler or is a narcissist waiting to happen all along. It is as if being together with my mother and spending more time with her after his retirement caused him to become more controlling and domineering than ever.
During my childhood, my father was close to being non-existent in my life. I spent most of my growing up years with my mother, who had never worked her entire life and was happy being a housewife. During my younger years, my father had an addiction problem with gambling, which caused him to uproot our entire family to another state when I was around 8 years old. He sort of cleaned up his act after that and worked really hard to support the family - often going out to his workplace early in the morning and returning only when it was my bedtime.
It was only after he had retired things took a turn for the worse. He became very interfering in my life - often demanding to know where I had gone and if I came home slightly late, I would have to tolerate him getting angry or getting the disapproving look just because I was back at 8pm. Hello, I was already 25 at that time???
My mother often got my father to do the dirty job for her. If she wants something, she would get my father to coerce/force me into giving in. During those rare times when I was able to get my father to be alone with me, I would often hint that my NM was getting more and more unbearable to live with. He would often shrug his shoulders and made up some excuses to portray my mother in a positive light.
I often wonder - if my father had been more assertive and had a stronger personality, would he have stood up for me and put a stop to my mother's narcissistic tendencies? Instead, he gave in to her all the time and sometimes I feel that I couldn't put 100% blame on him for doing that because after all, he is the one who had to live with my mother all the time now, especially after I moved out 2 years ago.
I want to feel sad towards him for being so manipulated by my mother yet at times I feel rage and anger because as his daughter, don't I deserve his protection too?
